i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
