But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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