i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
