Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
