My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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