Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
