I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
