I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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