Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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