its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
And then he peed in my hair
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