We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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