Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
