Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
