My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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