I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
