I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Couch. On fire.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
