I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
