Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
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