So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
