I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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