Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
