proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
