even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
