I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
so much tequila, so little girl.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
