So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
