We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
