ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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