Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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