mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
