drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
