I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
