i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
