Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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