is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
