Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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