I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
