Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
