so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
