dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think a kid would responsible me up
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
