I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
