the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
