My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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