im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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