Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
