also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
