Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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