we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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