thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
