Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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