So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
