I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
