i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
